Shake a few rumps...
Mar. 20th, 2002 03:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pseydtonneThere's a godlike interview of Ani DiFranco in last week's issues of the Onion AV Club.
When I was young, I thought about selling out versus keeping it real. I suppose a lot of folks do it. Of course, these distinctions are clean-cut when you're 15: Jello Biafra keeps it real and MC Hammer is a sell-out. (Yeah, I was 15 in 1990. What's your excuse?)
Then I learned a lot more about it:
Jello pissed off a lot of people, including his bandmates. You can keep it real and still be a real asshole.
MC Hammer sold his first records out of the trunk of his car.
MC Hammer was so obsessed with returning his wealth to his community that he went broke doing it.
Then again, it isn't even as clear as that. Jello is a pioneer in spoken-word work, getting lots of ignored voices on the road and heard.
I'm a major junky for any Henry Rollins spoken-word stuff. However, he works to pay the bills and often does it by doing voice-overs advertising. He grew up hanging out with Mr Straight Edge himself, Ian MacKaye, but did enough LSD to make Timothy Leary look askance.
Oh, then there's Timothy Leary. Important to consciousness expansion? Yes, sir! Still couldn't decenter from his navel long enough to keep a marriage going. I wonder how fucked up his kids turned out.
What is it to sell out, then? Is it losing creative control? Selling the rights to your crafts to get better exposure? Is it trading a job as a secretary for two years on the road?
Which is worse -- turning into a drug-addled boner after putting out some great material, or never getting heard at all?
I keep thinking about this because I want to get more time to write. I'd gathered a lot of experiences, plenty of material to make a couple books. If I could sit down for a few months and just write, I'd be happy to do it. However, I have a hard enough time paying my bills, let alone getting time before and after work to bang at the keyboard. I bang at the keyboard enough at work, so coming home to more of it is a bus driver's holiday.
I keep trying to write, but it's hard to focus. I need to recover from a lousy job every day and weekend. I think about trying to get money for writing, but I can't see who'd pay me when I'm still developing my chops.
I sell myself all day, but I'm not getting the dough a ho like me is worth. It's frustrating to see crap authors get published. Then I realize the trade they make: they turn the time they should be editing into promotion of wares. You can sell or you can create -- strike a balance while you're alive, or get your family to pimp your works once you're dead.
Rotten burdens.
Last week, Adam Brodsky played a gig at my friend's house. He had a great time. What I enjoyed more than the great set was his willingness to discuss the sacrifices he's made to get heard. He mentioned that he'd done four days of graphic design work a couple months ago to fill in on the bill-paying, but he hasn't had a day job since 1998. He also pointed out:
"I don't have to send email to everyone saying I'm working this week. I don't have to hope people buy enough booze while I'm working. I don't have to worry about my take at the door." However, it's also time that he's not doing what he enjoys -- playing well-written, goofy songs. There are no graphic-arts groupies. (No matter what Dave Sim may hope.)
He told us about how hard it can be to pay the rent this way. However, he does it. He can choose his gigs, not just in his hometown (Philly) but in other cities in America. He is expanding his reach.
I've done spoken-word performance. I really like it. However, it sucks to shell out three bucks to perform when you'd rather be getting paid to do it. Getting beyond ground level in spoken-word work takes an angle, something I'm still trying to cultivate.
In the meantime, I'm learning how to program. This helps me with my thinking. It also opens my career opportunities. However, it's easy to become comfy as a tech writer and never write for myself again.
I get very tired of pimping myself. It feels like a crap shoot.
I feel better when I know that I'm being heard. This is starting to happen. I'm getting better at expressing myself. I don't feel embarrassed about stuff I write the way I did when I was younger. I cycle through fewer words before I've said what I'm thinking.
-your comments are appreciated, ps/d
When I was young, I thought about selling out versus keeping it real. I suppose a lot of folks do it. Of course, these distinctions are clean-cut when you're 15: Jello Biafra keeps it real and MC Hammer is a sell-out. (Yeah, I was 15 in 1990. What's your excuse?)
Then I learned a lot more about it:
Then again, it isn't even as clear as that. Jello is a pioneer in spoken-word work, getting lots of ignored voices on the road and heard.
I'm a major junky for any Henry Rollins spoken-word stuff. However, he works to pay the bills and often does it by doing voice-overs advertising. He grew up hanging out with Mr Straight Edge himself, Ian MacKaye, but did enough LSD to make Timothy Leary look askance.
Oh, then there's Timothy Leary. Important to consciousness expansion? Yes, sir! Still couldn't decenter from his navel long enough to keep a marriage going. I wonder how fucked up his kids turned out.
What is it to sell out, then? Is it losing creative control? Selling the rights to your crafts to get better exposure? Is it trading a job as a secretary for two years on the road?
Which is worse -- turning into a drug-addled boner after putting out some great material, or never getting heard at all?
I keep thinking about this because I want to get more time to write. I'd gathered a lot of experiences, plenty of material to make a couple books. If I could sit down for a few months and just write, I'd be happy to do it. However, I have a hard enough time paying my bills, let alone getting time before and after work to bang at the keyboard. I bang at the keyboard enough at work, so coming home to more of it is a bus driver's holiday.
I keep trying to write, but it's hard to focus. I need to recover from a lousy job every day and weekend. I think about trying to get money for writing, but I can't see who'd pay me when I'm still developing my chops.
I sell myself all day, but I'm not getting the dough a ho like me is worth. It's frustrating to see crap authors get published. Then I realize the trade they make: they turn the time they should be editing into promotion of wares. You can sell or you can create -- strike a balance while you're alive, or get your family to pimp your works once you're dead.
Rotten burdens.
Last week, Adam Brodsky played a gig at my friend's house. He had a great time. What I enjoyed more than the great set was his willingness to discuss the sacrifices he's made to get heard. He mentioned that he'd done four days of graphic design work a couple months ago to fill in on the bill-paying, but he hasn't had a day job since 1998. He also pointed out:
"I don't have to send email to everyone saying I'm working this week. I don't have to hope people buy enough booze while I'm working. I don't have to worry about my take at the door." However, it's also time that he's not doing what he enjoys -- playing well-written, goofy songs. There are no graphic-arts groupies. (No matter what Dave Sim may hope.)
He told us about how hard it can be to pay the rent this way. However, he does it. He can choose his gigs, not just in his hometown (Philly) but in other cities in America. He is expanding his reach.
I've done spoken-word performance. I really like it. However, it sucks to shell out three bucks to perform when you'd rather be getting paid to do it. Getting beyond ground level in spoken-word work takes an angle, something I'm still trying to cultivate.
In the meantime, I'm learning how to program. This helps me with my thinking. It also opens my career opportunities. However, it's easy to become comfy as a tech writer and never write for myself again.
I get very tired of pimping myself. It feels like a crap shoot.
I feel better when I know that I'm being heard. This is starting to happen. I'm getting better at expressing myself. I don't feel embarrassed about stuff I write the way I did when I was younger. I cycle through fewer words before I've said what I'm thinking.
-your comments are appreciated, ps/d
no subject
Date: 2002-03-20 08:35 am (UTC)By the way, I hadn't heard about this Hammer-alms thing, so I'm taking your word for it here.
I'm still pretty touchy on the subject of selling out because I saw so many of my peers pay lip service to it and then go off to work for big corporations doing things they personally claimed to abhor. I heard a lot of people say, with no visible irony, "Oh, I know Microsoft is evil and all that, but it's such a great opportunity." Well, DUH. Did you think that "selling out" meant taking a BAD job for NO money just so you could help the Man? The whole idea of "selling out" stems from the fact that we live in a system where understood-to-be-bad people have a disproportionate ability to BUY you. If everyone looking at a job offer from a weapons contractor could just as easily find an offer on exactly the same terms working as a peace activist, we wouldn't be having this discussion -- even though some people would still go work for EMI or whatever.
I make plenty of compromises in my life. Being aware of them, and trying to keep in mind the various ideals I'm compromising, doesn't mitigate whatever damage is caused by those compromises. It does, however, keep me from making further compromises I don't actually need or WANT to make, and I admit I'm a little proud of that, when I manage to do it.
Oooh! That definition kicks ass!
I think much of my concern has really been the opposite of selling out -- I sell myself short when I temp. I wish I could use more of my skills for a career, even if I got paid less than market value, instead of using my fingers and brain as trade for low pay.
It's easier to worry that I've sold out than it is to worry I haven't shone my light yet.
-light at the end of the tumbler, ps/d
Re: Oooh! That definition kicks ass!
Date: 2002-03-21 11:25 am (UTC)Yeah, I guess that's the thing 15-year-olds don't have to think about. It's hard to be stuck in a rut when you're 15.