(no subject)

[pseydtonne]

It's late, but I am glad I stayed up. I'm coming to some conclusions.

It may be hard, but I need to live alone for a while. I'd like to have visitors of course. However, I realize I'm not ready to be in a relationship for a while. I need to cut down on my obligations to other people. I have blown out my gaskets and I must recuperate.

I am no longer certain that I will ever marry. There, I said it. I typed it. I may make a good husband, but I've got to take care of myself and craft a career path. This requires time and effort alone. This requires a decrease in obligations.

I have hurt myself by not taking care of myself. I don't mean to be cruelly selfish, but I have an addiction to helping others before helping myself. This doesn't sound like the worst thing, but it's meant losing track of what I want. Hell, I barely remember what I want to do with my life. That's not healthy.

I shall make no promises right now (the use of "shall" indicates future tense, no volition). I will sort my brain ("will" in the first person indicates volition, which contradicts the previous sentence). It sucks to be alone, but I can choose being alone. I can interrupt it as I need. I will stave off any feelings of loneliness because I am strong enough to see them apart from myself. Then again, I should also relax more.

Okay, that's that. More talk later. I will be positing more often.

-the future lies ahead, Dante

Comments

[chaggalagirl.livejournal.com]

i'm glad i read this now, instead of when it was posted. i'm in a much better headspace to receive this.

for my own sake, i think i'm going to have to unfriend you for a while. i won't be upset if you do the same for me.

[dobrovolets.livejournal.com]

I am no longer certain that I will ever marry.

Do keep in mind, however, that men tend to get married at later ages than women. So even if ten years from now pickings seem slim, you'll still have your chances, which is less likely for women. It's not necessarily fair, but it's life in a sexist society.

[teddywolf.livejournal.com]

Sometimes listening to the silence says a lot more than the sound. Strange but true.

Doing anything this week after work?

[bluepapercup]

Ah, best of luck Dante. I look forward to watching you sort this all out, and I welcome you honest approach. If you need a sounding board, let me know.