pseydtonne | No really... I'm going to relax eventually

I grabbed one box today. That was enough.

Yesterday I went to a pot luck birthday party at

ceelove's place and had a very good time. I socialized, I hugged, I felt connected. I also got to hear directly from our local organizing professional,

anotherjen, how useful it has been for her to read these posts about my cleanup. This bouyed me immensely.

If you're interested in starting own organizing festival but could use a specialist's care, talk with

anotherjen. She knows how to get a person into the mindset necessary and feel comfortable with beginning one's own process. She mentioned Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? by Peter Walsh, a book that deals with the emotional process of self-improvement.

After the party, I went home and played some Halo 3 with my roommate. He was thinking I should take a break from the box-dumping process. I could tell I was getting to that point as well -- it's a convenient busy activity when I'm scared to hunt for jobs.

This morning I dropped off my DVR at Comcast, which will save me $62 each month (DVR plus digital plus analog cable, none of which I've used in nearly a year). Then I came home and noticed one more box I could sort. I figured it'd be no big deal to plough through one more box.

I should have put it back when I needed to leave the room and come around to the other door so that I could get the box out of the room. It's big and cumbersome, although it has handles.

I dropped it onto my bed because my bedroom was closer than the dining room. Then I opened it and saw about four different piles of stuff inside one box.

The items aren't messy, although a couple books have been wedged too long and need to be flattened. It's still annoying to see items, know where they belong and realize I don't have the energy to schlep them. I'm tired of sorting my stuff.

I need to finish this box before I go to bed because it's taking up so much of my bed. I also need to get the stuff in the dining room reorganized and on the rack in the mud room. After that I'm ready to take a break for a week or so.

I've done a lot. I have more to do, and I can see the end of the First Phase. However I feel uninspired -- is this all there is to my life right now? How many times must I do penance for my sins of clutter? If I clean enough, will a job magically appear in the bottom of the pile? Will it cover psychiatric?

Organizing will not solve my biggest problem, even though it has solved some important issues. I have to moderate myself and accept that I need a respite from self-improvement. I need to reflect, read, build a computer or two, develop some fresh assignments to make my job hunt more enjoyable. I need rarefaction to handle my recent compression.

"Dude," I tell myself, "it's okay to take a break. It's good to do something else. Yes, this process has given you a lot to write about and it's been great for finding lost stuff. But you can burn yourself out when you need your energy for the single most important task you have right now: finding a job. Headhunters are in the way more often than not. Don't just clean because you'll be able to say you did something productive today."

Usually I also tell myself to go for a walk. I need to listen to that voice more often, because I usually come back happier.

Right now I'm eating chicken and spinach dumplings that I just steamed. The mustard and hot pepper sauce and grated cheese are working together to raise my spirits. I need to run some other errands, such as buying groceries. Then I'll come home and assess what can be stowed for future sessions.

I think this big box is getting collapsed and stored once it's empty. It says "electronics" on it, as it was meant to carry one home theater device with lots of packing peanuts. Heck, it could probably fit a car tire. Instead it held what must have been my bedroom floor when I finished housesitting in Lexington.

I will keep up with you as I find my next source of inspiration. I don't want to lose your interest even though I'm losing my own. It'll make sense in a few days. Writing about it helps me make sense of it.

-"been a long time since he's flown", Ps/d