![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Technically this is about a specific person but that doesn't matter. I'm not even pissed at said human. I just have to say this so that all humans get it (even me). I am not going to hide from what I have to say. I must get it out so that I can move beyond it.
I am a bullshit artist. I have been a salescritter. I know how to overcome objections. This means you have to be blunt with me if you want me to stop a line of pursuit or I'll keep going until I get what I want. If I wanted to sell you cable modem service, I'd get into it until you gave in. I wouldn't twist your arm or yell or make a scene: I'd just present the case until I made it worth your while. I'd dabble in all sorts of topics between the pitches. I wouldn't call 'em pitches. When you were ready, you'd say yes.
In turn, "no" has to be a blunt thing for me. "I need to think about it" doesn't mean "no"; it means "I'm afraid to confront you." It means "most of me doesn't want to do this but some part of me does. If I engage with you any longer, I may give in without feeling good about it." This means you need time to think. I respect that. I will come back.
"Fuck no and stop asking" means no. I respect a visceral response. It frees me up to move on.
Some people feel bad about hanging up on telemarketers. I don't. I understand that I'd be wasting the caller's time more than my own. The caller needs a sale and I'll do the caller no favor by stringing out a no-sale. Stringing a salesperson along is what salescritters call "getting stroked": the customer acts like a customer but is really giving you salescritter blue balls. Salescritters hate that. If a customer just wants information, said customer should go to the web site. Electrons don't care whether you download them.
If I'm interested in you and you never say "I'm sorry but I'm not attracted to you", I won't get it. I will keep trying. If you're worried I will feel hurt because you're just not feeling it, don't worry. I have a thick enough skin. Say what you have to say so that we can clear the air and move on. Maybe I'll hook you up with one of my friends instead. It's not a bad thing to say "no". You just have to say it.
I hate having to figure that shit out for myself. It leaves me feeling burned because I'll go through a lot of effort before I get it. I've been rejected enough times that I am not afraid of it. Tired of it? Yes. This is why I burn out from sales after each stint: I need some positive reinforcement. In fact, I think that's another reason I stay late at work: when I solve someone's problem, I get a good feeling.
Let me make telling me off a positive event: if you're blunt with me, you'll never have to feel pity. You can save all the future guilt and have good feelings. It's worth getting that out.
I was chatting with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
graciana the other night about this topic and she made a great point. She's good at this stuff: she's wise beyond her years when it comes to people and this is why I trust her and respect her. Her point was that we think of friends turning to lovers as possible, but there is always something different about becoming friends with someone in general and becoming friends as a build toward a more involved relationship.
There is a spark, something that cannot be explained right away even though it could be analyzed later. However, the spark has to be mutual: one person can feel "that's a spark" and the other may simply feel "oh fuck, you grounded your static electricity through me. I get that all the time. How annoying." The other person may feel pain from the spark. The other person may feel the spark and say "I can't deal with this right now. I may be interested but I could be just as interested in playing on the monkey bars at the electrical substation. I'm burned and I can't perceive effectively."
I am not four years old. I have a frickin' Bachelor of Arts in philosophy. I once built a Linux box while drunk. I can figure things out. I can manipulate things. I can also manipulate people: it doesn't make me feel good to do it so I avoid it. However, I can do it. I would rather be upfront with everyone and not play upon their whims. I work hard to use my skills for good instead of evil. I show both sides even when I really want you to pick the side I picked. I'd rather you had the information I had when I made my conclusions. If you disagree, I'll want to know how you came to your conclusion but it doesn't mean I resent you for it.
In conclusion: I may play dense sometimes but I'm not. My heart is not a toy. I'd rather you acknowledged that you don't share the spark so that we can move on before I get entwined for no good reason.
-end of interview, Ps/d
I am a bullshit artist. I have been a salescritter. I know how to overcome objections. This means you have to be blunt with me if you want me to stop a line of pursuit or I'll keep going until I get what I want. If I wanted to sell you cable modem service, I'd get into it until you gave in. I wouldn't twist your arm or yell or make a scene: I'd just present the case until I made it worth your while. I'd dabble in all sorts of topics between the pitches. I wouldn't call 'em pitches. When you were ready, you'd say yes.
In turn, "no" has to be a blunt thing for me. "I need to think about it" doesn't mean "no"; it means "I'm afraid to confront you." It means "most of me doesn't want to do this but some part of me does. If I engage with you any longer, I may give in without feeling good about it." This means you need time to think. I respect that. I will come back.
"Fuck no and stop asking" means no. I respect a visceral response. It frees me up to move on.
Some people feel bad about hanging up on telemarketers. I don't. I understand that I'd be wasting the caller's time more than my own. The caller needs a sale and I'll do the caller no favor by stringing out a no-sale. Stringing a salesperson along is what salescritters call "getting stroked": the customer acts like a customer but is really giving you salescritter blue balls. Salescritters hate that. If a customer just wants information, said customer should go to the web site. Electrons don't care whether you download them.
If I'm interested in you and you never say "I'm sorry but I'm not attracted to you", I won't get it. I will keep trying. If you're worried I will feel hurt because you're just not feeling it, don't worry. I have a thick enough skin. Say what you have to say so that we can clear the air and move on. Maybe I'll hook you up with one of my friends instead. It's not a bad thing to say "no". You just have to say it.
I hate having to figure that shit out for myself. It leaves me feeling burned because I'll go through a lot of effort before I get it. I've been rejected enough times that I am not afraid of it. Tired of it? Yes. This is why I burn out from sales after each stint: I need some positive reinforcement. In fact, I think that's another reason I stay late at work: when I solve someone's problem, I get a good feeling.
Let me make telling me off a positive event: if you're blunt with me, you'll never have to feel pity. You can save all the future guilt and have good feelings. It's worth getting that out.
I was chatting with
graciana the other night about this topic and she made a great point. She's good at this stuff: she's wise beyond her years when it comes to people and this is why I trust her and respect her. Her point was that we think of friends turning to lovers as possible, but there is always something different about becoming friends with someone in general and becoming friends as a build toward a more involved relationship.There is a spark, something that cannot be explained right away even though it could be analyzed later. However, the spark has to be mutual: one person can feel "that's a spark" and the other may simply feel "oh fuck, you grounded your static electricity through me. I get that all the time. How annoying." The other person may feel pain from the spark. The other person may feel the spark and say "I can't deal with this right now. I may be interested but I could be just as interested in playing on the monkey bars at the electrical substation. I'm burned and I can't perceive effectively."
I am not four years old. I have a frickin' Bachelor of Arts in philosophy. I once built a Linux box while drunk. I can figure things out. I can manipulate things. I can also manipulate people: it doesn't make me feel good to do it so I avoid it. However, I can do it. I would rather be upfront with everyone and not play upon their whims. I work hard to use my skills for good instead of evil. I show both sides even when I really want you to pick the side I picked. I'd rather you had the information I had when I made my conclusions. If you disagree, I'll want to know how you came to your conclusion but it doesn't mean I resent you for it.
In conclusion: I may play dense sometimes but I'm not. My heart is not a toy. I'd rather you acknowledged that you don't share the spark so that we can move on before I get entwined for no good reason.
-end of interview, Ps/d
