When someone you love turns out to be a freak

Maggie was topless in the kitchen. I was busy mixing breakfast cereals in a drinking glass.

Maggie was embarrassed for me that I missed the free show completely. I hung my head in shame -- over her now-clothed but still ample cleavage.

Maggie had me buy marshmallows the other day so that she could make smores. I didn't know people not on camping trips could make smores, let alone in the microwave.

Maggie was so grossed out that I'd even contemplate eating an unheated marshmallow that she had to hide her face.

I later found a marshmallow cut in half -- perfectly. She only needed half a marshmallow for a smore. I tried to cut one myself and got a jagged mess.

Maggie can't get into french kissing -- she feels like her mouth is being invaded. I really miss tongue-tongue action. Maybe I'll make out with a Fluffy Puff.

We're all different.

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I have an oral fixation. "I have something for you to orally fixate on," she replied. Yeah, but it doesn't have eyes I can look into.

-"seriously folks, they're the best." Dante