A message to All Fifty States
Jul. 4th, 2005 04:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pseydtonneRemember this Independence Day that America does not simply belong to one group of people. It belongs to anyone that wants to be American and anyone who wants to be or is a U.S. citizen. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about the quantity or quality of your national pride. Neither political party invented jingoism, after all: William Randolph Hearst did that.
If you have an obnoxious neighbor neglecting his children as they blow their hands off with M-80s today, all of you are entitled to a form of patriotism. You may want to deal with the neighbor and he may be staring at your house for lacking the Federal mandate of ninety flags, but you're both allowed to be full of spite toward each other.
When the cops come by after another neighbor gets in a street brawl with the mother of the stump-handed kids for daring to wear a thong and not much more while sunning herself on the roof, remember that all of these people are part of a glorious pageant that could only happen in the U.S. of A., all rights reserved.
Later on, you may settle down to some illegal substances the way our forefathers did: with your slaves. Oh sure, they may not be your property per se and they don't speak much English, but they are your bondage chums and their safe word is the same as yours. Remember that all of you are still Americans, tried (possibly convicted but the record has been expunged) and true. So is your dealer and her parole officer.
After that you may settle down to watch crap you TiVo'ed weeks ago but didn't want to admit you could stomach. You may see washed-up celebrities from the Eighties, contestants from American Idol, or even cartoon characters. All of these are American, even if the inking was done in South Korea or the boob jobs involve Mexican implants. Even Canadian actors are American because all of them sold out their home and native land for steady income. What's more American than that?
Yes, you are probably an American if you are reading this. If not, you can see why we want the wretched refuse of your nicer shores. After all, every scumbag, wastrel, deadbeat, political scoundrel or carpetbagger that you sent us has gone on to integrate into our crazy quilt of society and raise punk ass, feckless children. How could we say no to more of the same?
Today we salute the men and... well, whiter men... that made this nation free from occupational forces. We salute the people that decided we weren't just a land of colonized and exploited resources in the hands of a foreign power. By God and Jesus and maybe even mass production, we were calling dibs and that was that. We salute the Sons of Liberty, who terrorized businessmen and tossed their goods into Boston Harbor because they had not been paying taxes before so why should they now?
And if you think I'm being snarky, making some kind of allusion to the situation in the Middle East or pushing some agenda, I will have you know that is intolerant of you and I'll be calling the TIPS line in a matter of minutes. Enjoy the Fourth, you sinners!
By the way, I've actually been having a great weekend.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
graciana has been visiting. She got meet some of my friends and see the Boston scene as it is: geeks with trees.
If you have an obnoxious neighbor neglecting his children as they blow their hands off with M-80s today, all of you are entitled to a form of patriotism. You may want to deal with the neighbor and he may be staring at your house for lacking the Federal mandate of ninety flags, but you're both allowed to be full of spite toward each other.
When the cops come by after another neighbor gets in a street brawl with the mother of the stump-handed kids for daring to wear a thong and not much more while sunning herself on the roof, remember that all of these people are part of a glorious pageant that could only happen in the U.S. of A., all rights reserved.
Later on, you may settle down to some illegal substances the way our forefathers did: with your slaves. Oh sure, they may not be your property per se and they don't speak much English, but they are your bondage chums and their safe word is the same as yours. Remember that all of you are still Americans, tried (possibly convicted but the record has been expunged) and true. So is your dealer and her parole officer.
After that you may settle down to watch crap you TiVo'ed weeks ago but didn't want to admit you could stomach. You may see washed-up celebrities from the Eighties, contestants from American Idol, or even cartoon characters. All of these are American, even if the inking was done in South Korea or the boob jobs involve Mexican implants. Even Canadian actors are American because all of them sold out their home and native land for steady income. What's more American than that?
Yes, you are probably an American if you are reading this. If not, you can see why we want the wretched refuse of your nicer shores. After all, every scumbag, wastrel, deadbeat, political scoundrel or carpetbagger that you sent us has gone on to integrate into our crazy quilt of society and raise punk ass, feckless children. How could we say no to more of the same?
Today we salute the men and... well, whiter men... that made this nation free from occupational forces. We salute the people that decided we weren't just a land of colonized and exploited resources in the hands of a foreign power. By God and Jesus and maybe even mass production, we were calling dibs and that was that. We salute the Sons of Liberty, who terrorized businessmen and tossed their goods into Boston Harbor because they had not been paying taxes before so why should they now?
And if you think I'm being snarky, making some kind of allusion to the situation in the Middle East or pushing some agenda, I will have you know that is intolerant of you and I'll be calling the TIPS line in a matter of minutes. Enjoy the Fourth, you sinners!
By the way, I've actually been having a great weekend.
graciana has been visiting. She got meet some of my friends and see the Boston scene as it is: geeks with trees.
