Back and forth, geek and half-dead
Sep. 19th, 2002 02:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pseydtonneRight, so I should post something. When I put it that way, We both know I don't wanna. (Don't worry -- I get cheery by the end. It'll be worth it.)
A lot has happened. However, every day feels a lot like the last one. I wake up, I eat cereal, I shower, and I head to work. Work makes me feel impotent, so I come home and vege. Since my cable modem got installed on Sunday afternoon, veging once again includes surfing the web and pretending to write.
That's about it. I don't feel creative at all. I feel emotionally tired. Every day off I've had has been a day to run errands. I haven't had two consecutive days off in two months.
At first, I figured I'd just ride it out. Then I moved, and that hogged a lot of time. When you can only do something in piecemeal, it becomes the grout between the tiles of work. Sleep, move stuff, work. Repeat until your personality has dissolved.
Two consecutive days off may not seem so important to you. This means you get them on a regular basis. I had no idea how much this would fuq with my head. I can't recover from anything because I can't space anything out. I have to be in work mode -- and that's a sales mode, too -- a lot.
I've become exceedingly impatient. I know I am, but it doesn't stop me from lashing out. I spazzed out at one friend, and I have no idea whether he'll put up with me ever again after that. I've always felt like a bull in a china shop around him, and this just put a huge exclamation point on that. Note that I feel that way around a lot of people, including my dad. It's the problem with being outgoing and self-conscious at the same time. It's like being Andy Dick without the media attention.
Munkee has been very good to me about my raging bullscheisse. Yes, she is reading this, but it's still true. We're in the same space a lot, which is how live-in relationships work. For the first time in my life, I can't simply hide in my room when I'm cranky. This means I constantly have something to get out of my system but I must do it in a publicly acceptable fashion. It's like being royalty, only without the training.
Observation. Epiphany. Rephrase. Simile. Quip. Find next observation.
Okay, I've mocked my ennui. I feel better. Now I can tell you about...
I built a computer, during my avoidance of packing a few weeks ago. I got a 100 MHz bus Intel motherboard (mobo) with the 400 MHz Socket A Pentium 2 included. I also picked up a DVD player at the same store (a small shack in downtown Wilmington Mass, across from the commuter train stop). The DVD needs drivers, which I can't find. However, it's got a black front panel. Nothing else I had matches it. Since the mobo wouldn't mesh with my old tower, I bought a new black tower to go with the DVD player. I realllllllly like this tower.
I bought a black-front floppy drive yesterday. This means only two components aren't black on this machine: the CD-ROM (which I'd borrowed from my old computer while I'm looking for drivers) and the passive hard drive cooler. I may spray paint the cooler if I don't find something similar soon.
By the way, I love the passive cooler. I've had this thing more than a year and it r0X0rs. It's a manifold for heat from my 40 gb 7200 rpm (120 Hz, eh?) and it's no longer available in stores.
I used to balk at people that modify that computer cases. I didn't get it -- use your computer, don't mack it out. Then I picked up some thumbscrews so that I could open my case more easily. Then I realized how ancient my computer was, especially after I found a used mobo & CPU for less than the cost of the case. I was denying penis envy.
In case you are still reading this, there are different ways to tweak a computer case. Some folks carve out panels to install transparent windows and neon lights. One of the tricks in the trade is that neon runners for license plate holders are cheaper and more durable than the ones sold at geek web sites. This will also give you some idea how close this kind of case mod is to the polishing-freak end of the spectrum.
Others get into the heat-sink craze. These folks are overclockers, trying to get higher speeds from CPUs by speeding them up and removing more heat. The latest craze here is the use of water instead of air: copper radiators the size of power supplies, distilled water to prevent electrocution, and tiny pumps to circulate the water. This increases the H.G. Wells factor in a computer.
Then there is the quietness crowd. All those extra fans and high-speed hard drives lead to excessive noise, often making a computer louder than tolerable. I've seen adhesive panels that dull the whub-whub of the side panels, washer gaskets to seal the fans, and stuff I figured only audiophiles would take seriously.
When it all comes together, you get this lotus flower of copper. You can even go here to see a lot about radiators and green day-glow dye for your water. No, I am not lying.
My new case is much easier to open that any other I've had: I turn two thumbscrews and slide a single panel. Even the small drive bay slides out when you flip a switch. Am I looking to buy black thumbscrews? My browser is there now. Hmmm... green would go nicely with the ethernet cable.
This is, in retrospect, all I've felt I could control in my life. I don't have enough time to read a book, so I tweak a box. I fix other people's boxes. Anorectics control food intake; I control electron flow.
This is the longest I've sat typing in more than a month. I feel more sane now. Perhaps I will be able to function tomorrow. It's my day off, but it's not my own time all day.
-planning a jaunt to Micro Center, Dante
A lot has happened. However, every day feels a lot like the last one. I wake up, I eat cereal, I shower, and I head to work. Work makes me feel impotent, so I come home and vege. Since my cable modem got installed on Sunday afternoon, veging once again includes surfing the web and pretending to write.
That's about it. I don't feel creative at all. I feel emotionally tired. Every day off I've had has been a day to run errands. I haven't had two consecutive days off in two months.
At first, I figured I'd just ride it out. Then I moved, and that hogged a lot of time. When you can only do something in piecemeal, it becomes the grout between the tiles of work. Sleep, move stuff, work. Repeat until your personality has dissolved.
Two consecutive days off may not seem so important to you. This means you get them on a regular basis. I had no idea how much this would fuq with my head. I can't recover from anything because I can't space anything out. I have to be in work mode -- and that's a sales mode, too -- a lot.
I've become exceedingly impatient. I know I am, but it doesn't stop me from lashing out. I spazzed out at one friend, and I have no idea whether he'll put up with me ever again after that. I've always felt like a bull in a china shop around him, and this just put a huge exclamation point on that. Note that I feel that way around a lot of people, including my dad. It's the problem with being outgoing and self-conscious at the same time. It's like being Andy Dick without the media attention.
Munkee has been very good to me about my raging bullscheisse. Yes, she is reading this, but it's still true. We're in the same space a lot, which is how live-in relationships work. For the first time in my life, I can't simply hide in my room when I'm cranky. This means I constantly have something to get out of my system but I must do it in a publicly acceptable fashion. It's like being royalty, only without the training.
Observation. Epiphany. Rephrase. Simile. Quip. Find next observation.
Okay, I've mocked my ennui. I feel better. Now I can tell you about...
My Goth Tower
I built a computer, during my avoidance of packing a few weeks ago. I got a 100 MHz bus Intel motherboard (mobo) with the 400 MHz Socket A Pentium 2 included. I also picked up a DVD player at the same store (a small shack in downtown Wilmington Mass, across from the commuter train stop). The DVD needs drivers, which I can't find. However, it's got a black front panel. Nothing else I had matches it. Since the mobo wouldn't mesh with my old tower, I bought a new black tower to go with the DVD player. I realllllllly like this tower.
I bought a black-front floppy drive yesterday. This means only two components aren't black on this machine: the CD-ROM (which I'd borrowed from my old computer while I'm looking for drivers) and the passive hard drive cooler. I may spray paint the cooler if I don't find something similar soon.
By the way, I love the passive cooler. I've had this thing more than a year and it r0X0rs. It's a manifold for heat from my 40 gb 7200 rpm (120 Hz, eh?) and it's no longer available in stores.
I used to balk at people that modify that computer cases. I didn't get it -- use your computer, don't mack it out. Then I picked up some thumbscrews so that I could open my case more easily. Then I realized how ancient my computer was, especially after I found a used mobo & CPU for less than the cost of the case. I was denying penis envy.
In case you are still reading this, there are different ways to tweak a computer case. Some folks carve out panels to install transparent windows and neon lights. One of the tricks in the trade is that neon runners for license plate holders are cheaper and more durable than the ones sold at geek web sites. This will also give you some idea how close this kind of case mod is to the polishing-freak end of the spectrum.
Others get into the heat-sink craze. These folks are overclockers, trying to get higher speeds from CPUs by speeding them up and removing more heat. The latest craze here is the use of water instead of air: copper radiators the size of power supplies, distilled water to prevent electrocution, and tiny pumps to circulate the water. This increases the H.G. Wells factor in a computer.
Then there is the quietness crowd. All those extra fans and high-speed hard drives lead to excessive noise, often making a computer louder than tolerable. I've seen adhesive panels that dull the whub-whub of the side panels, washer gaskets to seal the fans, and stuff I figured only audiophiles would take seriously.
When it all comes together, you get this lotus flower of copper. You can even go here to see a lot about radiators and green day-glow dye for your water. No, I am not lying.
My new case is much easier to open that any other I've had: I turn two thumbscrews and slide a single panel. Even the small drive bay slides out when you flip a switch. Am I looking to buy black thumbscrews? My browser is there now. Hmmm... green would go nicely with the ethernet cable.
This is, in retrospect, all I've felt I could control in my life. I don't have enough time to read a book, so I tweak a box. I fix other people's boxes. Anorectics control food intake; I control electron flow.
This is the longest I've sat typing in more than a month. I feel more sane now. Perhaps I will be able to function tomorrow. It's my day off, but it's not my own time all day.
-planning a jaunt to Micro Center, Dante
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
A room of one's own
Date: 2002-09-19 06:35 am (UTC)I know that feeling, because in a certain sense I have two jobs (one of which doesn't pay). It's been ages since I've had a day off, period. Yes, I bring that on myself, trying to overthrow the capitalist system in my spare time and all. But it's not all fun and games, and I am in serious need of a vacation to recharge. Fortunately, it's coming soon. My advice: as soon as you have a week of leave saved up, take it and drive up to Quebec with Maggie.
You're in a similar position to another friend of mine, who just moved into a studio with his girlfriend. I don't understand how you can do it.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
gazebogrrl and I have always had space when we lived together. The best was our second apartment in North Carolina: a two-bedroom. We used the extra one as my "study," i.e., the space for my music, my books, my mess, my computer, my work, my spazzing. When we spent the summer together in Illinois, I kept my pile of books in the living room by the TV, so she could work unmolested on her Masters Exams. In DC, as cramped as the place was, there was partitioning. And our current space gives us enough room to stretch out and keep separate when necessary (except when I start playing music she doesn't like, like Eminem or Minor Threat). As soon as you can afford get, get a space for just you two that has at least one internal door that doesn't lead to the bathroom. Sometimes, even in the best of relationships, you need a door to slam.
no subject
Date: 2002-09-19 09:48 am (UTC)If I could work four consecutive days instead of five, put in 10 hours a day, I think I'd do it. I'd love having three day weekends. Or two days on, one off, two on, two off.
But long and short of it, I wasn't going to take a staggered week like that. I tried it once or twice and hated it.
Ask your boss if you can request a shift change from an upcoming training group. She may say Yes and those are 5 day workweeks.
Re: A room of one's own
Date: 2002-09-19 09:59 am (UTC)eminem ain't nuttin' but a bitch
:D
~M~